I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
