My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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