That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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