You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
