i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
