I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
