Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
