He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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