we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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