Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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