Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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