the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
