yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize