I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
