yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
