I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You took a bar mat shot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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