Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
