I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
