Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
