Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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