Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
