She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
