South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize