Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
