Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
