Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
