You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
