Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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