u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
