His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pants are for mortals
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
