even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize