It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i drank out of a bidet.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize