I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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