there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
