I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
