i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
