i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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