your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
