There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
