i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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