that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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