There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
