Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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