Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
