so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
