I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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