I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
