He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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