I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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