Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
