Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize