You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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