I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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