There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The power of my boobs compel you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
