4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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