its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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