Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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