OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
