1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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