I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
