Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
