I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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