dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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