Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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