My ATM looks so different sober.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
