Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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