woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
