it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
