Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
