I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
