I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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