he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize