i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
