I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
