On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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