dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize