Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
