So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
