So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize