I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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