when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
