You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
