I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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