what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
