You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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