I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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