instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
