Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
