She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
