its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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