We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
