Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
