I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
