How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize