Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
