At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
