Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
