Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
