FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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