So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize