Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
