i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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