well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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